I always thought of myself as a good hearted person. I am always there to listen or to talk or just laugh. My friendships are pretty solid. I have a lot of friends which I love and would do anything for. I have only a few best friends and they are my friends for a reason. My relationships however never seem to work out.  I have relationships with these girls and then they end up cheating on me and breaking my heart. Now everyone who knows me knows that I am gay. I don’t go advertising my sexuality, I just go about my business. If they want to know, cool if not, I won’t tell them. 

Anyway, back to this relationship thing. I always date these girls who say they love me so much and they could see a future but then end up cheating on me with a guy. Some of these girls have never been with a woman before and I am not the type of person to push people into being with me, I let them decide what they want or think they want, but in the end, I’m just their experiment. I had a girlfriend for 4.5 years in that time she cheated on me twice that I know of, I still think it was three. The first time broke my heart to pieces. She knew my past and had even said when we first got together,”I will never cheat on or hurt you” and like an idiot I believed her. She begged me to give her another chance. I was torn, could this happen again? I did give her another chance but now every time she talked to a new guy I’d get this feeling inside like someone kicked me and that she would leave me. Well sure enough, 3 years later she cheated on me again. She was living with me at the time and I decided to kick her out, but not without me just breaking down and anger spitting words of hate and hurtfulness she has cause me. She shares that I had been cheating on her with another girl but I sware I never did. We went without speaking for a good couple weeks. She tried to get her friends involved to get her things from my place but I wasn’t having it. It was between her and I not them. Even though we were broken up I still loved her and missed her. We had been through so much and to see it end like this was heartbreaking. Long story short, one night I was drunk and she came to pick me up. She let me stay at her place and in the same bed, one thing led to another and things happened between us. We decided to get back together, even when running into a mutual friend at the mall she told her that we were back together. She made me happy! She was always there when I needed her, I saw a future with her. 

Let’s fast forward to about a month a go I went to Peru for a class I was taking. Before I left she kissed me and told me she would miss me. Once I was in Peru I got to talk to her by wifi. Then as weeks went on she became harder to get a hold of and her FaceTime for her android seemed to be all messed up so she couldn’t face time. Then when I got home she came over and it was like she didn’t want any parts of being in the same room with me. We ate dinner in silence. That night she told me she was going through things and that she needed time to sort things out. Next thing I know she is ignoring my texts and just not being herself. When finally I asked what the deal was she basically said she needed to figure things out and that every time she sees me or thinks of me it makes her mad she does all of this over the phone and during one of my most hardest semesters of college. She occasionally talks to me which sucks because I know she is talking to another. It kills me that I didn’t get a chance to do anything not see why she hated me so much. She questions her sexuality which is fine but why didn’t you do that before we got together. We are already going on four and a half months and now you want to do that?  Still no word from her maybe an occasional good morning but nothing else. Why do I deserve being treated like this? I wish I knew. Like I said, all my relationships except for 1 ended with someone cheating on me. I wish she would just talk to me. We used to be real close. 

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Welcome to my writing world. I like to write when I feel mad or upset or just need to get the feeling out. I don’t write often but I am hoping this might help.